My Big Discovery in 2015
Happy January! We’ve made it through our first week of 2016. Yeah! I find starting a new year exciting. I get the chance to reflect, plan, and think of some fun things to do over the next 12 months.
Self-reflection is one of my favorite things to do, and I like to do it at the beginning of the year instead of trying to cram it in at the end of the year. December is such a crazy month, and I can’t imagine trying to fit one more thing into it. Plus I really like the downtime in January to catch up with myself and regroup. I don’t have to think about shopping, gifts, parties and all that other stuff that comes along with the Holidays.
So this last week, I spent some time thinking about 2015 and what it had to offer me.
WHAT I DISCOVERED ABOUT MYSELF IN 2015
Let me jump back a bit to give you an idea of where I was at a year ago.
I’d set out the new year, 2015 that is, with big intentions to make a difference. I was feeling very stagnant and somewhat paralyzed by my own thoughts and ideas, so I knew I needed to do something different. I couldn’t keep complaining about my job, where I was in my life, and so on and so on. It was exhausting, and I’m not going to bore you with all of that crap.
USimplyBeam was part of my big plans for making a difference in 2015. I knew I had a lot to learn. I’m not a coder, developer, artist, graphic designer, marketer, self-help guru, or anything of the sort. I was just me trying to do something new with my life and help others.
Authenticity played a big role in figuring out what direction I wanted to go with the blog. Whatever I did, I knew I needed to be true to myself. The more I worked on USB, the more I realized that I didn’t really know myself at all and that I was very indecisive.
I found self-trust and being decisive very hard. My decisions were constantly challenged by second guessing myself. Needless to say, I found myself starting over quite a bit, which is a recurring pattern that I know all too well.
THIS IS NOTHING NEW FOR ME
I’m guilty as charged. Indecisiveness and I have been in cahoots for a long time. Looking back on my childhood and adult years, this constraint has been a part of my life for way too long.
Some time ago, a friend charged me with being indecisive. I was picking out a paint color for my family room. Who isn’t indecisive about that? Her accusation both took me by surprise and bothered me. I retracted her statement and decided she was wrong. Looking back, though, she was right. It took me weeks and many cans of sample paint to pick out that paint color. I know that’s a simple example, but it’s an example that shows the common occurrence of indecisiveness in my life even on the simplest of things.
Acknowledging and not just knowing, there is a difference, that I’m indecisive is huge for me, and it really didn’t come to me until late this year. So, this discovery is all very new, and quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED
Let’s go back a to my 2015 intention, the make a difference one. Well, it didn’t happen the way I planned. And now that I know this about myself, frankly, I was a scatterbrain. I don’t say that to be hard on myself. I say it with honesty. I truly was all over the place trying to make change in my life and create a blog.
What I learned is that it’s not making the decision that’s hard for me, it’s trusting the decision that I’ve made. That’s where I falter.
So the way I see it is that many of us make decisions every day, but how often do we trust our decisions. I’m curious to know what makes us doubt ourselves. Is it the fear of failure? Is it the fear of not being accepted? Is it the fear of being judged? Is it the fear of making a big mistake or going the wrong direction? I think all of these are a part of my indecisiveness. I’m curious to know what you think?
Learning about my indecisiveness has given me a lot to think about this year.
MY “WORD” FOR 2016
By not giving myself a chance to experience my decisions, I’m not allowing myself to grow my ideas and play discovery. I find second guessing myself to act like a paralysis of sorts stopping me from experiencing what I’m really capable of. So, this is why I’m making my “Word” for 2016 – decisive.
It’s the one word that grabs my attention the most, and I feel will lead me to more discoveries in 2016.
WHAT’S YOUR “WORD” FOR 2016?
Would love to hear from you. Did you pick a Word for 2016? Please share it and why.
Photo By: The Dollar Photo Club
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